How Can I Leave a Party Early?

Posted on August 5, 2010 by Kelly Parkinson 41 Comments

An introvert’s guide to spontaneous departures

The first thing is to acknowledge the Essential Law of Parties.

There are no rules.

People love parties because they can do whatever they want.

The Essential Law of Parties has a secret loophole, which introverts can use to their advantage.

Because parties have no rules, we can leave whenever we feel like it.

We don’t realize this because we are introverts. We think about how people will feel when we leave “early” (popularly defined as “before anyone else does”), and then we don’t leave, and feel miserable.

Because we’re afraid to be afraid to leave, we stay home, which is not what we really want to do.

What we really want to do is to see if the party is any fun, and to go home as soon as we feel like it.

Go to all the parties. Now you know to apply these three easy steps for spontaneous departure.

Step 1: Tell the extrovert friend who invited you that you’re trying this thing where you go home as soon as you feel like it.

The benefit to them is you’ll come whenever they invite you anywhere. (As long as you bring your own car or call a cab.) They don’t have to persuade you. They’ll mock you anyway. They love to mock you. Humor them. You get to leave early.

By the time you leave, your extrovert friend will have found a new and shiny friend. They hate to lose a party asset, just on principle, and will tease you as you walk out the door, because you’re detracting from their party net worth.

It’s like a billionaire losing $100. They might get upset, because how do you think billionaires became billionaires? But they will live. They will thrive. You will not thrive. You need to leave this party immediately.

Step 2: Notice how you feel.

Be ready to leave, guilt-free, as soon as you feel like going home. You know that feeling. You’re just done. That’s it. Go home now.

Step 3: Look like you are having THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE as you say goodbye.

Never leave a party early looking tired. It’s a common introvert mistake. You want everyone to secretly suspect you’re going to another party, so they don’t feel sorry for you. It’s not lying to be enthusiastic, because it’s true. You’re enthusiastic to be here. You’re simply playing the cassette tape of your enthusiasm from earlier. So you can go home like it’s no big deal:

“OMG, this was so much fun!” (It really was, and now it’s time for you to go.)

Other introverts in the room will wish they’d thought of that.

You’re home! Clean sheets and cheesy bread! My favorite way to end a Friday night.